My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
