I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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