literally had 100 drinks last night.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
