No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
