What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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