Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
