So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
