my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
