somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
