The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
