I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
