this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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