so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
