haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
