So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
