There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
