she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
