I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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