my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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