yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning