It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole