There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
