I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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