this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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