dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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