hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
