you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
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he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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