ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
last night I used snow as a chaser
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