just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
