maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
