i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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