I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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