remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
