I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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