I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
