Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
