If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
