R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
