I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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