Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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