I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
