ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
