I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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