Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize