How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
