When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
