i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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