I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
