I'm eating all of the evidence.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
