maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
