you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
