If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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