A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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