I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
