Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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