i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
