when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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