Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
