I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
