omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
