I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
