I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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