why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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