How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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