if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
