I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
vagina is talking i cant
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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