Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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