dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
