Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
