i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
