I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
