Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
