apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
