dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
