cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
