All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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