fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
