He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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