apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
