Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
