She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
