is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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